Fun Things To Do With Kids in Singapore

"Are we having fun yet?"

As promised, here is a list of 10 fun things to do in Singapore with your kids during the holidays.
If you, like me, hate crafts, long car trips, and anything involving a roller coaster, then this is the list for you.

1) Swimming outdoors...it's Singapore, after all. (Tip: take a book and large hat...just so they realize you're not actually jumping in the pool with them.)

2) Go to the bookstore Kinokuniya in Takashimaya. Hours of fabulous browsing and reading.
You may or may not want to avoid stationery area-depending on your disposable income.

3) Have a yummy breakfast of masala dhosai in Little India. Good way to assess your kids' spicy index.

4) Go to the movies. Just remember to check the rating first. Les Miserables was rated NC16-go figure.

5) Ice skating at the new olympic rink (@JCube Jurong). Allow some time beforehand to buy matching hat and gloves. At least an hour if you have Italian kids.

6) Dumplings at Din Tai Fung-what's not to love?

7) Watching Mythbusters with your kids on TV.

8) Grocery shopping followed by a stop at the local food court for kimchi fried rice and Korean Bbq. (Yes, I do realize most of my activities involve eating...blame my kids and wide array of choices in Singapore.)

9) Legoland in Malaysia (full disclosure: we still need to go). But it is on my kids' wish list and is just a forty minute drive away.

10) And finally, take them to visit their Dad's office for a surprise visit. (Tip: Accidentally leave one of them there.)

What do you like to do with your kids during the holidays? Please add...

Dreaming of a White Christmas

Eliot's new best friend...

Hat and gloves in Singapore...who knew?
Day 3 of the kids' 3 wk school holiday and I'm utterly knackered (a word I picked up during my years in Dublin that perfectly illustrates my state of mental exhaustion). There are only so many times I can edit a letter to Santa. A puppy under the tree? I don't think so, more like a dictionary.
I promise my next post will be a list of fun things to do if you are having a staycation (sounds so much better than 'we're not going anywhere' ) in Singapore...in the meantime, stay warm.
Just kidding, it is Singapore, after all!
Anyway, wanted to post a photo from our very first ice skating escapade. Well,  really theirs....but somebody had to sip the hot chocolate on the sidelines.

Do's and Don'ts When You're a Kid in the Maldives

"One day kid, this will all be yours..."

It's your parents' fifteenth anniversary and they've decided to take you along with them on their dream vacation (as if they really had a choice).  At four hours away, the Maldives, are a mere skip and a hop from Singapore. And, if your Mom lets you watch TED on the plane, they seem even closer.

Here are a few tips which might come in handy:

DO pack snacks. Your parents may have bought the 'breakfast only' deal.

DON'T assume you'll be having lunch (see above)

DO take the seaplane from the airport to the resort.

DON'T drink juice right before you do.

DO try canoeing with your little sister.

DON'T rely on her to paddle.

DO remember sunscreen, hats, sunglasses and oreos (those are for your Mom).

DON'T expect to buy them on the island. They only sell sarongs and expensive jewellery.

DO expect the baby pizza to be indeed meant for a baby. And yet, still cost $20 (US not Singaporean).

DON'T assume that just because water costs as much as coke you'll be getting coke.

DO try snorkeling. Just not with your mother.

DON'T bring your homework. They'll really expect you to do it.

DO look for dolphins.

DON'T expect to see any.

DO try a fast ride on the banana boat. Even if you fall in, the Indian Ocean water is warm.

But, most importantly, DON'T get lost on the island. You could get heatstroke before they even realize you're gone.

(Published in Expat Living, May 2013)

The "Whatever Works" Parenting Style

Eliot and Alexander surprising me with a Mother's Day dinner

In the past few days, there has been a controversy fueled by a Time magazine cover showing a Mom breastfeeding a three year old with the provocative caption: "Are You Mom Enough?"
Portrait of the so-called attachment parenting technique or guilt-inducing title?
If I had to label the technique I used during the first year with my first child, the only word that comes to mind is survival. My husband and I quickly became huge believers of the "Whatever Works" technique. Alexander was a baby who cried the minute you tried to put him down in a crib or in our bed (believe me, we quickly threw the towel in there), he would wake up repeatedly during the night and would only fall back to sleep drinking one of the MANY bottles (milk, chamomile, water...) on the couch while I watched some middle-of-the- night show on the Discovery Channel (this is how I found out that catching lobsters is one of the most dangerous jobs in the world, so not a total waste of time).
I wondered if it was my fault, after all, I had plenty of baby books which I read religiously. Although, my sleep deprived husband, pointed out: "These are not novels! What does it say about sleeping?" He was referring to his sleeping.
But when I reached the words: "Let him cry it out," I knew I just couldn't follow through.

Today his sister Eliot's first grade teacher wrote to say how impressed she is that Eliot brought in a book to read to the class (the duty of the leader) just in case the designated leader, who is right before her on the alphabetical list, was absent. Well, it turned out that girl was sick and so Eliot was ready to be the leader. She had even prepared a Q+A session. What most marvelled the teacher was that she had thought ahead like that. That's Eliot at six. So little and yet so determined.
Alexander may (I said may) not have been as proactive. After all, he has been known to claim: "We have homework but we don't really need to do it..." Huh?
On the other hand, Alexander still worries about whether a new boy at his old school (where Eliot goes) has made friends yet. Nobody beats him in the empathy department. Both great kids but very different. This is why I can't take credit for either of them. Nature over nurture....so Moms and Dads, my humble advice is to not listen to anybody's advice and to just do....well, whatever works.

Alexander's 10 Things I Could Be Doing Instead of Being in a Pool at 7am on a Saturday...

Alexander at the UWC Swimming Championships

1) Watching Top Gear on TV
2) Playing race car games on the Ipad
3) Watching the magician speak at the TED conferences
4) Starting a rare coin collection
5) Checking out new stationery at Smiggle
6) Keeping a balloon up in the air with my little sister
7) Reading the latest Rick Riordan book
8) Convincing my Mom to take me to see the Hunger Games movie
9) Eating waffles
10) Sleeping...

Ten Things My Mom Told the Kids (that she didn't really need to)

Now this is ragu'...

1. You don't have to go to school if you don't want to. I used to let your Mom stay home all the time.
2. The thunder was so loud last night I thought it was going to break that window right over your bed.
3. Do you want to crack your head open?
4. Who wants to watch Key Largo?
5. Your parents throw everything out.
6. That shelf your Dad put up in the guest room nearly broke my head.
7. If your mother had brought you to Verona for Christmas you would have seen the snow.
8. Of course, you can stay up late and watch TV.
9. Don't forget I'm in touch with the Easter bunny.
10. When I was your age I had a dog.

Siblings

(Alexander and Eliot)

This morning, Eliot decides she needs to sit on the one chair (out of the possible six) where Alexander's school project is. After a blood curdling yell...
Alexander: "Can't you use your common sense?"
Eliot: "I don't even know what that means."

On a brighter note, when I ask my kids who their hero is....
Alexander answers: "I know you want me to say you."
No, I don't. I mean unless you want to.
But Eliot responds without hesitation: "Alezander."

Stuff Fifth Graders Say

(My own fifth grader, Alexander)

1) Awesome!

2) Dude...epic...fail

3) Double jinx

4) I don't have any homework.

5) Can we have a double sleepover?

6) Can I bring my skateboard?

7) I wish I were in a dojo.

8) Oh, I didn't know that was a bad word.

9) I just turned on the TV this second.

10) I'm really into technology...can I get an iphone?

10 Questions To Alexander, age 10

I don't have anything to read

Besides watching Mythbusters on TV and tracking his Razor Ultra Pro scooter on its way via Amazon, Alexander enjoys fencing, reading and tickling his sister.

1) Alexander, what is your favorite food?

Salad.

2) What is your favorite drink?

Root beer.

3) What do you like best about Singapore?

All the expats have private pools. I also like how quickly you can make a friend.

4) What is the worst thing about Singapore?

The unpredictable weather.

5) What do you like to do most in Singapore?

Swim and hang out with my friends.

6) Do you like the weather in Singapore?

No, definitely not.

7) What do you like best about Italy?

Why Italy? Oh... the beach by the seaside and the weather.

8) What do you like to do in Verona?

Play basketball with Ale.

9) Have you ever actually seen snow?

Yes, in New Zealand and in Germany.

10) Where would you rather live? Verona or Singapore?

That depends. Singapore because of how quickly you can make friends. Verona because of the weather.

(Image above chosen by interviewee.)

What If Amy Chua Were Alexander's Mother?

Yesterday, I let Alexander read the online Wall Street Journal excerpt of Amy Chua's book: The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

The book made quite a stir by highlighting the different parenting techniques between the 'no-nonsense' Chinese approach (no playdates, no sleepovers, no school plays, only top grades praised, hours of piano practice...) and the more lenient, 'it's okay if you don't win' Western one.

Halfway through the article, Alexander asked me:

"You're Western, right?"

*** *** ***

This got me thinking, what if Amy Chua were Alexander's mother?

Instead of prohibiting playdates and sleepovers, she would very likely encourage them. You know, to recharge her brain.

Instead of vetoing school activities, such as the debate team, she would embrace a forum where he could debate. One where she was not involved.

She might even feel giddy the day he announced he was giving up the violin or piano. Because frankly, life is too short.

True, she might realize too late that to answer ALL of Alexander's questions is not a good idea. Or to rationalize all decisions is not the best approach, soon recognizing she is facing a mental ninja warrior more adept at finding legal loopholes than a lawyer in a John Grisham novel.

But, maybe one day, she would relent. And sit down with him to watch back-to-back episodes of Mythbusters, admiring his drawings of small villages with large libraries, listening to minute details about the latest Percy Jackson novel, marveling at his photographic memory and his sharp wit. She might even stop trying to run the show. Finally realizing, that with Alexander, it's much better to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

I Just Read This in Alexander's School Journal

Alexander

Singapore. 21.11.11

Swimming. The True Storie

I think I am supposed to love swimming, but i just dont, my mom and dad are trying to make me love it or something I can tell because all my life (so far) I have done swimming lesson after swimming lesson I am on the swim team but did I want to be on it no!! can I quit and join something else like all the other kids NO!! so now I am stuck with a bunch of kids I dont know and my mom says I am supposed to "bond" with them? To me swimming is just something you learn to not drown but no you gotta take swimming to a whole new level with the (over exaggerated) amazing, fantastic Championchips?? I just dont get it at all.

Hmmm, I'm starting to think this boy really doesn't like swimming.

What Happens in Vegas...

Alexander brushing up on his para-military skills

In the last couple of weeks, Alexander's homework has dwindled to such a suspiciously low amount that yesterday I felt compelled to contact (in what I thought was a super secret email) my concerns to his teacher. I was hoping it would be all hush hush. Alas, his super vision is such that, when called to his teacher's desk to 'have a little chat,' he spotted and read my email (still open on her screen).

When he came home today, not unlike a young Robert De Niro playing Jake La Motta in Raging Bull, he said: "I told you NEVER to tell my teacher anything that happens at home."

Ummm, really? When exactly did we have this conversation. And what does that even mean?

As a friend pointed out today, it could be that he's referring to The Hangover franchise movies, you know the ones that follow the mantra: "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas."

Excuse me, but this is suburban Singapore, a far cry from party town Vegas. At most somebody here chews gum brought surreptitiously into the country. (Not me, I would never do that.)

Not to mention, we rarely leave the condo, kind of like living in a Mormon compound (ok, that's a slight exaggeration). But back to the issue, you're in the fifth grade, why are we even having this conversation?

Because that is the evil genius that is Alexander. He's my firstborn and I love him. But I would rather be shot in the foot than home school him. And this is the reason why: reasoning with him is like a mental cirque du soleil. He will confuse you, change the issue, use special forces tactics.

And that's when it hit me, the summer reading (pictured above) that seemed so casual and harmless at the time...aha, maybe not so casual after all.

Eating Candy

8:30 am Sunday. Kids eating their Halloween stash from yesterday's trick or treating and drinking root beer, (a drink that, by the way, I always say could be used at Immigration to confirm one's US citizenship, since I have never known any other nationality to like it. The kids and I adore it, but for my husband all other Italians, it's revolting as it smells like a medicine they use for back pain.)

Finally, it's the last day of Alexander's two week school holiday, and I survived. Since the kids now are at different school they have completely different holidays, so Alexander and I were on our own for most of it. It was surprisingly great, as long as I didn't let his never ending requests of "So, what are we going to do now?" get to me.

Unlike his sister who can play independently for hours (even with her erasers, true they are adorable Japanese ones, but still,) Alexander wants to do EVERYTHING with me.

"Mom, do you want to watch Phineas and Pherb or Mythbusters? Should we have a snack indoors or on the balcony? Want to read the new Percy Jackson with me? Let's have some olives or a nutella sandwich or go to the bookstore? Want to play this game I just invented? You get to be a farmer, a fisherman, or a gardener."

You get the idea, mentally exhausting, by the end of the day I don't know what my name is.

On the positive side, he's incredibly (and always has been) enthusiastic about any proposal I may have (unless it involves homework). Nothing will dampen his enthusiasm, even when I try my hardest.

Sorry, Alexander, but I just want to have a cup of coffee and watch Oprah.

"I love Oprah!"

You know Oprah?

"Of course, she's only the best talk show host, ever. Who's that she's interviewing? Who's James Frey? What book did he write? What do you mean it wasn't all true? Can you tell me about that right now?"

Okay, but first I need to clean and re-order all the closets.

"Yoohoo! Count me in. I love re-ordering things."

Looking back, I see that what got me through the toddler years with Alexander, was finally succumbing to the adage: "If you can't beat them, join them."

That, and the knowledge that one day, he won't be reaching for my hand when we walk out the building, he'll want to do everything on his own, and that it will break my heart. So for now, I sit back, watch Harry Potter and eat honey glazed ribs...even if it is 10 in the morning.

Happiness in the ordinary...

1) Eliot jumping in puddles with her new rain boots.

2) Alexander bringing me home a cupcake from school sale.

3) My first cup of coffee of the day.

4) Rainstorm outside.

5) An unexpected gift (thanks Michele).

6) A really good book on my nightstand (Tess of the D'Ubervilles).

7) Eating masala dhosa in Little India with my friends.

8) The kids playing together...even if it is just 'Angry Birds' on the Ipad.

What are some of the 'ordinary' things that make you happy?

Parents Coffee Morning Singapore Style

Today I met the lovely moms of the kids in my son's fifth grade class.

As always, it was interesting to hear what other moms have to say about their children: love of cricket, interest in Mandarin, gymnastics. And we weren't even intimidated by the very long list of one girl's accomplishments: professional ballerina, proficient in many languages, good at snowboarding, skiing, swimming. At least, not until she mentioned the motorcycle riding and the long hours spent learning for the sake of learning. Because that's just what she likes to do. My first impulse was to say: "Could she please come to my house." The second was to quickly think up something to say about Alexander when my turn came to speak.

He loves watching Phineas and Ferb suddenly didn't really cut it.

But seriously, it is this incredible assortment of people from different cultures and backgrounds that will always be the thing I cherish most about life in Singapore. You get to hear about Japanese-Chinese fusion cuisine, life in Dubai, puppies over pilates...and that's just over coffee. The women, hail from all over the world: Shanghai, Tokyo and London and include a Brahmin healer, a fashion designer, and an intrepid adventurer who is about to trek the Himalayas, on her own. Oh, and an ex- Canadian Olympic Riding Team member. (And just for the record, she was afraid of bragging. Please. If it were me, I'd be putting that on my business card. You know, if I had a business card.)

And you just never know what you're going to learn.

For example, one mom revealed that just the other day her dog was bitten by a cobra in the garden...

See what I mean. I will not be getting a garden. At least not in Singapore.

Can Michael Phelps Skate?

Alexander has started a new school. This school offers many more sports than his old one. He's doing swimming, baskeball, aerial troupe, and athletics. Maybe he was sports deprived.

But to be honest, we're not that sure he's really keen on swimming. After the many laps he had to do to get on the team, his first words as he got out of the pool, were: "I'm going to get you for this."

That can't be good.

I have to confess that like most expats who live in Singapore surrounded by pools I have always been completely paranoid about having both my kids become good swimmers. I watch every single swim lesson. And, the fact that the kids' swim instructor is an ex-Mr. Singapore is totally irrelevant.

On Friday, Alexander had his first swim meet after school, he came in last. I was excited he had competed at all. He complained that the kids he swam against were so big that when they jumped in the lane they created a tidal wave that overwhelmed him. I figured he was exaggerating until I saw them. This kid needs some protein, pronto!

I admit that in part I am influenced by my older brother (yes, the same one who always won at Monopoly, if you've been following this blog) who was on the swim team at Yale. But Alexander likes to dash those dreams. "Of all the sports I do, swimming is the one I like least. Just so you know I'm only doing this for you." (Excellent reason.) In fact, yesterday he confided that all the other kids on the team told him that they also do not like swimming but are just doing it because their parents want them to.

Finally, I feel like I'm part of a team: Annoying Parents Who Force Their Kids to Be on the Swim Team. Okay, so it's not so catchy but...do I get a t-shirt?

I'll Stick With It...

"Please, Mommy, let me do fencing."

Do you know how much it costs, Alexander? After granola, wine, and blueberries, it's the single most expensive thing in Singapore!

"But I promise I'll stick with it. I feel like this is going to be my passion. You know, like Julian, with the piano. Or Da Vinci with art. And maybe I'll get a scholarship to college. What's that again?"

When they pay for your school.

"Yes, they will definitely want to pay for my school....and I can save all my allowance so maybe Eliot can have a scholarship to college too."

Okay, definitely a candidate for 'best brother ever'...but you're still not getting any gear for at least one year! (That was a year ago...I guess it's payback time).

In the Name of the Father

Our Italian priest has sent over First Communion books from Verona so that hopefully this summer Alexander can have his communion without attending a formal course here in Singapore. But first, he'll have a chat (test) with an Italian priest who will assess his preparation. So we've started going over the basics. In Italian, which makes it hard for him (and harder for us to hold a straight face) like when he said: "last supera" meaning last supper. You can't just add an a/o to words and think that makes them Italian. Well, not every word. Yesterday:

Cosa e' Natale (What is Christmas?) "Quando viene Santa Clauso a dare i presenti? (When Santa Claus comes to give presents?" Nooooo. "Oh, no, I mean, quando nasciuto Gesu'?" Nato (born). Okay, good.

What about Easter? And don't say when the Easter Bunny comes to give chocolate. "Gesu' muerto sulla croce?" Very good. Now, something basic.

Sei cattolico? "Si." Good.

Sei cristiano? "Si." Good

Sei protestante? "Si."

Houston, we have a problem.

(Photo: Alexander and one of the 'guardians' of the Duomo di Verona.

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Alexander, after listening to refrain "I walk alone, I walk alone"in Boulevard of Broken Dreams (his favorite song by Green Day):

"If he puts on eyeliner like that-of course, he'll walk alone!"

On Sleep Deprivation

An old friend recently asked me what to do about getting her toddler to nap. That got me thinking about when Alexander was a toddler and how maybe I'm not the best qualified to give that sort of advice. I could possibly write a book on what not to do to get your child to be a good sleeper.

Alexander was the 'challenging' child, the one who had me walking around in sleep-deprived stupor asking random strangers on subways about the kid standing with them: "Does he sleep through the night?" Uhm, yeah. He is a teenager.

The one who had me shooting murderous looks at my husband when he returned from work and asked me sweetly: "So, how was your day, honey?"

Well, let's see, it was pretty good at 10 am, we had only been up five hrs then. Already watched The Jungle Book, built a lego tower, read books, made our own books, played impromptu game of hide and seek, gone out to see the construction working site...but, now at 7pm, I don't even remember what my name is. I've had the life sucked out of my brain. In retrospect, what mostly did it were those daily depressing hours spent trying to get him to nap while singing painful renditions of Les Miserables as he watched wide-eyed from his stroller, probably thinking: "Show tunes? Come on, you can do better than that."

A good friend calling me as I was pushing him in the stroller while holding his bottle to get him to sleep, when she heard what I was doing she just murmured: "Oh, Jen."

Or telling friends to never drop by at 7pm. Why? Because he cries at that hour.

The first time I ever went out in the morning without the baby was when we still lived in Dublin and he was 2 months old. I was going to get root canal. I remember feeling elated. When the dentist asked me how I was, I wanted to hug him. I was so sleep deprived in those days that when a car almost hit me, the very first thing I remember thinking was how soft the hospital sheets would feel.

Later on, he wanted to drink baby bottles all night long. I put him to sleep by feeding him two bottles, fell asleep with another two behind my pillow and still around 3 am, in a voice similar to that of Attila the Hun, he would yell out: "Latte!" In his defence, I was so quick at getting up and concocting mixtures of milk, water, and chamomile tea he probably thought we lived in a cafe'. And when he threw the empty bottles against the wall after downing the 'latte' my husband and I secretly thought: "Help."

But, dear Laura, it does get better. And the silver lining is that you will never (EVER) take for granted your child sleeping through the night. Or sleeping, period.

I would end this post on a positive note and tell you that (as you can see in the photo) he sleeps now, but I'm too afraid of jinxing it.