"What do you like best about Singapore?"

So kids, now that we've been here five years, tell me what you like best about living in Singapore?

Alexander: "It's predictable. Always nice and sunny."

And what do you like least? "It's always so hot." (Interesting. Not contradictory at all.)

And what about you, Eliot?

"Everything!"

Could you be more specific?

"Cold Storage."

The grocery store?

Expanding my children's horizens...that's what it's all about.

Five Years In Singapore...who's counting?

"Singapore? Well, okay, but one year...no more than that."
That was five years ago. Who would've thought? Certainly not my mother who still ends almost every conversation with a tentative inquiry: "So, when are you coming back to Verona?"
Time flies when you're having fun...or when you live in a country with no seasons. You choose. I did bring a sweater with me this morning. And that's not just because the air con can get pretty nippy at times. Maybe I am becoming a local after all.
(Eliot and Alexander's first friends in
Singapore.)

Eliot At Five

Eliot and bear

1. "Why did you make Alexander before me?"

2. "The boys in my class run after me at the playground and try to kiss me." (Big brother's advice: 'Run fast.")

2. "Show and Tell is very important." (Aka: it is vital to bring something new, perfect, and that every other kid will want...every single time.)

3. "I might try riding the school bus again," (after noticing that kids who do ride the bus get to wear a tag).

4. "If 'Alezander' never does his homework, are you going to send him to the orphanage?" (Boarding school. I said, boarding school.)

5. "Are there witches in Singapore?" "Can they fly through glass windows?"

6. "If Alezander likes Naruto, I like Naruto. If he wants Pokemon cards, then I want Pokemon cards. That's because he's my bruder."

7. "We can play with dolls and princess dresses, but first, we have to pretend we're puppies." (Little Miss Bossy on playdates.)

8. "I like what you did with the house, Daddy. Good job."

9. "Is God here right now?"

10. "You're my best Mommy in the world." Alexander: "She's your only Mommy." (But still, I'll take it where I can.)

(Eliot with Bear)

Business Trips to Hong Kong Are Not All Fun and Games...

Alexander At Nine

1) "I can't wait till I'm an adult. Then I can do whatever I want. Like eating chips in front of the television late at night." (The boy does have a point.)

2) "I can't speak to him in Mandarin, Mom. He won't understand. He's Korean." (How many Korean taxi drivers are there, realistically speaking, in Singapore?)

3) "I'm really good at saying things in a very convincing manner, even if they're not true. That's my super power." (Okay...)

4) "If my best friend is still my best

friend when I get married, then he can be my best man. It's a very big responsability." (Thinking ahead, I like that.)

5) "My teacher said we should just focus on our spelling list for this week and not do any other homework," (as he puts his spelling list aside and takes out a book to read. Is it even worth the battle?)

6)"This is amazing," (the discovery that the show 'Mythbusters' is on the Ipad).

7) "Please, let me keep reading in bed even though it's way past my bedtime. It's my only joy in life." (Uncannily similar to the way I felt as a child).

8) "The reason I like reading so much is I don't have to think of anything else when I'm reading." (Wow, finally expressed in words what I've felt all these years.)

9) "Is there any college where I don't have to do Math? That's where I want to go." (I guess that's where the DNA kicks in.)

10) "I never want to go to Venice again. We might lose Eliot."

My Idea of a Playdate...

The kids have started their whopping 3 wk (you've got to be kidding me) Chinese New Year holiday. During the 100 hrs of non-stop rain that Singapore just had, we stayed indoors sorting through old papers, making our own comic books, and watching movies. Lots of them, like: Annie, Cinema Paradiso, Billy Elliot, and Bend it Like Beckam. Alexander's first movie at three was Amelie so he's no problem and will watch absolutely ANY movie: Volver, The Bicycle Thief, you name it. (With 5 yr old Eliot we have to occasionally resort to sophisticated tactics to get her to sit through an entire movie. I mean, what were the chances of there really being a princess or a witch coming up soon in Bend it like Beckam?) After the movie, I crank up the music and the kids dance all over the house. My idea of fun. The music is quite eclectic too and can go quickly from Bocelli to Green Day to Elgar's Cello Concerto (I wonder what this will do to them?) Then, we all sit on the sofa, while I tell them stories about when my great-aunts, Josie and Milly, were little and usually end up with mugs of hot chocolate and books scattered all over the sofa, reading next to each other. Now, that's my kind of playdate.

A Tough Week for a Princess

In my university classes, we've been reviewing the hazards of gender specific toys and my students have been writing on how market driven princess paraphernalia can negatively (or not) influence a girl's personality and ambitions. As a mother of a 5 yr old daughter with a love for everything 'princess' this gives me food for thought. So today I asked Eliot: "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" She usually answers: "Teacher or a mother." So, with a reassured feeling, I asked: "You don't want to be a princess, do you?" With a look of awe, she wondered:

"I can be a princess?!!" Not exactly the thought process I was hoping to put in motion. Very smooth, I know. Job well done.

Earlier in the week, I tried helping Eliot confront her fear of the school bathroom. I accompanied her in to show her that "no sweetie, there are no monsters coming out of the toilet." At which, she pointed to a sign which, in fact, clearly depicted monsters coming out of a toilet. What? The wording underneath the picture said: "If you do not flush the toilet bacteria (monster looking creatures) will come."

Unfortunately, most five year old children cannot read yet. The sign has since been removed.

It's not easy being five.

Nostalgia...

There's something wonderful about January in Singapore. I mean, where else can you go swimming in an outdoor pool? (That would be the kids, not me.)

A perfect ending to a perfect day, I watched "Nuovo Cinema Paradiso," a movie I had not seen in years. In fact, the last time I saw it I was a college student at Vassar, eager to explore the world beyond the medieval walls of my hometown Verona. But, as I watched the movie now, I was surprised at how different I felt, how relevant the themes were. The film, about a very successful director who looks back on his childhood, takes place in Bagheria, Sicily, the hometown of the director, Giuseppe Tornatore. It's not a huge leap of the imagination to assume some details are biographical and imagine how difficult it must have been for the young filmmaker Tornatore to leave Siciliy (or even Federico Fellini, when he was forced to leave his hometown of Rimini, years before) in order 'to make it'. It is very touching and poignant when the protagonist remembers how his old friend Alfredo, the projectionist of the town's popular movie house, had encouraged him as a young man to make his way in the world. At the train station, as he was boarding a train for the big city, Rome, Alfredo admonishes: "never come back here, forget about us, and most importantly..."non farti fregare dalla nostalgia" ("don't let nostalgia fool you.")

I think how relevant Alfredo's words are for myself and my friends here in Singapore, and wonder how many are forced, at times, to stifle homesickness and bury idealized childhood memories...

"Where's the Real Puppy?"

5:45 am, Christmas Day. The kids are awake and running to see if Santa has come or not. From our bedroom, we hear amazement and joy: Santa came! Teddy bears, dolls, miniature skateboards, and silly bandz...

"But where's the real puppy?" asks Eliot.

This year both children decided to put only one thing on their list: a puppy. They knew chances were slim but they figured if there was just ONE thing on the list...the pressure on Santa would be huge.

I have noticed that most expats leaving Singapore have caved in. Their children are sad about leaving but invariably overjoyed at the promise of a canine addition to the family: "we're going to be getting a puppy when we get to Connecticut, Finland, England....(fill in the blank)." This definitely sweetens the blow. Will have to remember this when the time comes. My kids have already put two and two together: "So, basically, when we move, we're getting a puppy, right? So, when are we moving...I think I'm going to call him Buddy...."

Last night, on Christmas Eve, we went to the children's mass, it was very interesting but after the first hour slowly became the second, a bit too long for kids. That, and the fact that Eliot, asked in a very loud voice halfway through: "When is God coming?" made me feel slightly guilty. Either I'm not taking her to mass often enough or we need to go over the basics of Roman Catholicism. Soon.

On our way home, the little theologist pondered: "If God made everything, who made God?"

(Photo from a Christmas past when a feverish Eliot was as small as Dora.)

Back From Bali...

"Where are the other kids?

As I watch my kids grow up in South East Asia, I like to think they have opportunities I never dreamed of having as a child growing up in Verona. They are exposed to different cultures and realities, they eat spicy curries and they travel to exotic places. I recall smiling proudly as my son announced at two that his sandcastle was "the great wall of China" or my daughter insisted on singing Happy Birthday in Chinese. Which is why I find it vaguely disconcerting to hear my son say in the taxi ride to the airport on our recent trip to Bali: "But I want to go to Hawaii," and my daughter answering: "Yeah, I want to see the snow." Am I doing something wrong? On the plus side, they now know Bali, unlike the rest of Indonesia, is 90% Hindu, that you can order Mee Goreng even for breakfast, and that bringing Harry Potter is a good idea at a hotel with no TV and no kid's club. On a final note, there are no children in Ubud. This is a good thing...unless, of course, you are travelling with yours.

(Photo from our small hotel overlooking the rice paddies in Ubud, Bali)

Ten Sure Signs You Are An Expat Dad Living in Singapore

Expat Dad Michele with Alexander and Eliot

1) Your children's international school fees leave you fairly disconcerted...($30,000 for 3rd grade? What are they learning? Rocket Science?)

2) Your kids boast about staying in 5 star resorts. Your childhood holidays often involved a tent.

3) You welcome 11 pm conference calls with California...not really.

4) Business trips are fine...unless they include a Sunday or a night flight from mainland China.

5) Your wife keeps very close track of your frequent flier miles.

6) You accept that a bottle of wine costs as much as a mini-vacation.

7) Business trip to Bangalore. Yoga retreat in India. Not the same thing.

8) You know which Asian airport has the best lounge, best sushi, longest taxi line.

9) You could be playing golf or relaxing by the pool, but you're not doing much of either.

10) Your wife no longer asks you which business destination has the best looking women. But she has noticed that Tokyo is the only city that makes you whistle while you pack.

(Published in Expat Living, April 2012)

"I'd Rather Be Reading Naruto..."

You may have been a green beret, a navy seal, or the CEO of a large corporation but nothing will prepare you for helping your eight year old son with his homework. First of all, this is 'help' he does not want and does not appreciate. In fact, any 'help' you will give, no matter if it is in the tone of Mother Theresa handing someone a bowl of rice, it will still be misconstrued as 'judging' him. In his mind, an innocent: "you might want to check the spelling of frenly, I'm pretty sure it's spelled friendly," will warrant an extreme reaction: "I knew it. You hate me."

Lately things have gotten a lot better. He just tells me he doesn't have any...who am I to argue. After all, life is short.