How To Have a Bestseller...in Ten Steps

1. Choose a catchy title that has readers guessing.

"So is it like Bridget Jones Diary...but set in the tropics?"

2. Write about what you know.

3. Do not offend anybody.

Optimistic editor: "You'll be fine."

4. There's no such thing as bad publicity.

"I said what?!"

5. Engage your kids in publicity stunts (if you do not have kids...consider renting them).

"Mommy, I'm tired." 

6. Choose your neighbors wisely.

"Wasn't Malala just nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize? Look the guy who does Top Gear."

7. It never hurts to have friends in high places.

"Way better than The Hunger Games."

8. Do not use the book launch as an excuse to wear flashy clothing.

"But they're from Dubai."

9. When the going gets tough...call in the team with swag.

"How many copies do we have to sell before we can play Call of Duty?"

10. Publishing Date Matters

"Thank God, it's not the week Schwarzenegger's bio came out."