Foolproof Ways To Discipline Your Child

"You go first...no, you go first."

1) Friending them on Facebook. 

In order for this to be truly effective, the parent must like, comment, and share every single thing the child posts. Bonus points for using acronyms.

2) Learning all the words to their favorite song...and singing it. 

Over and over again. Works best if you can't carry a tune or you use body gestures. Extra points if they have a friend over.

3) Wearing their school uniform for Halloween. 

On the plus side, you don't have to spend money for your costume. On the downside, your child might need therapy later on.

4) Watching television with them. 

Remember to offer non-stop commentary while eating snacks.

5) Refusing to buy them a new fencing sword.

Even though it means the shorter blade length will put them at a disadvantage during duels. Short blades build stamina.

6) Leaving post-its in their lunch box.

Remember notes should always be signed. Love, Mommy will do. Drawings of flowers and hearts optional.

7) PDA (Public Display of Affection)

A real crowd pleaser. Plenty of big hugs. Especially before boarding the morning school bus. Blowing kisses also acceptable.

8) Cutting their hair.

Why waste a perfectly good home-cutting kit you got at a garage sale and you've been dying to try out?

9) And finally, making them wear corduroy. 

This one is for you, Mom. What can I say? Thanks. There's a reason I had no friends in the fourth grade. (I like to think it was the corduroy...the sweater vests didn't help either.)