Saturday, January 18, 2014

If "The Luminaries" Was Set in Singapore

"Great book...I just wish there were more characters."

This post will only make sense if you:

a) Have read The Luminaries, 832 pg (who's counting?) Man Booker Prize by Eleanor Catton,
b) lived at some point in Singapore,
c) have been to New Zealand (preferably the west coast of the South Island);
d) none of the above, but have a twisted sense of humor.

So here goes,
If "The Luminaries" was set in Singapore:

1) Instead of being called prospectors, people seeking fortune would be called expats.

2) Instead of looking for gold in the Otago fields, those people would be working in the IT industry.

3) Instead of drinking brandy at the Dust & Nugget discussing weather forecasts, they'd be drinking espresso at Suntec City discussing sales forecasts.

4) Instead of arriving on a ship called Godspeed, they would arrive on Singapore Airlines.

5) Instead of placing ads in the West Coast Times for barmaids and missing trunks, they would scan ads in The Straits Times for chinese tutors and coach trips to Legoland.

6) A night out wouldn't be a seance in the Gridiron Hotel, but a musical at the Marina Bay Sands Hotel.

7) A dissolute night out, wouldn't be an opium den in Chinatown, but a karaoke bar in Orchard Towers.

8) Instead of hiding gold in the hemlines of her dress, Anna Wetherall. would be hiding frozen rib eye steaks at the bottom of her valise.

9) Instead of settling down in Hokitika, they'd be looking for a cluster house on Chancery Lane.

10) Instead of misunderstanding Maori slang, they'd be misunderstanding Hokkien slang.

11) And finally, instead of hoarding gold, they'd be hoarding cheese.