Ten Sure Signs You Are At A Hair Salon in Singapore

1. They offer you a cup of hot water.

2. Marie Claire is in Chinese.

3. You're the client with the most challenging hair.

4. You can't understand any of the gossip.

5. You bring in your (reluctant) son, who studies Mandarin, so he can tell you if they're talking about you. They are.

6. It's freezing.

7. They give you two oranges for good luck on Chinese New Year.

8. When they say: "Your hair is so curly, lah" it's not in a good way.

9. Describing your desired color as "Copper, you know, like the color of the sun setting on kitchen pots in  Provencal farmhouse," is not a foolproof plan.

10. Those straightened locks smiling back at you from the mirror may stay behind at the hair salon.
I guess you forgot the 100 degree humidity outside.

(Published in Expat Living, April 2012)

Ten Sure Signs You Are An Expat Spending Christmas in Singapore

Ohm...

1) Going home involves a 12 hr flight (24 if you're from the States or Canada).

2) In addition to plane fares, presents for every relative, friend, and acquaintance you are likely to meet back home, you also need to buy a winter wardrobe for every member of the family since everywhere is colder than here.

3) After realizing the total cost equals the price of a minivan, you may decide to stay put.

4) You soon discover that for your other friends, staying put, actually means short breaks to Bali and Phuket.

5) The top wish on your children's list will be to build a snowman. (There's that small detail of us living in the tropics...remember?)

6) Roasting chestnuts over an open fire...when it's 93 degrees Fahrenheit...not so fun.

7) Having family visit is great as long as you realize that, along with the delicious Swiss chocolate and Jo Malone creams, they will bring a virus they picked up on the long haul flight. And they will have major jet lag. If they have toddlers, two words: good times.

8) You're not the only one who thinks going to Singapore's Snow City is a good idea.

9) You are thinking of having your entire Christmas dinner home delivered.

10) Your child may spontanously assume the buddha position to decide where to put up the tree.

Ten Signs We May Have Overstayed?

Sometimes, I'm afraid we've stayed too long in South East Asia and that the kids won't know their roots. What those roots are I'm not exactly sure. Alexander and Eliot were both born in Verona (at the same hospital) but their father (a Veronese) claims they will never be true Veronesi (he's basing this on the fact that they don't swear, play soccer, or eat horse meat). So, I guess this means, for better or worse, Singapore is their home. But, sometimes, I get nervous. What if they never fit in when we do return to live in Italy (whenever that may be)?

The following traits they've recently acquired do nothing to assuage my fears:

1) The craving to eat hot, spicy chicken at 10 am.

2) Alexander's familiarity with chopsticks.

3) Their preference of rice over pasta.

4) Their giddy anticipation of chewing gum in Verona. (Singapore doesn't sell gum. And no, I'm not counting the gum they sell in pharmacies.)

5) Eliot's knowledge of more words in Mandarin than in Italian.

6) The inability to grasp the concept of changing seasons.

7) The belief that everybody has a pool.

8) Eliot's teary breakdown because she doesn't have straight, black hair.

9) Alexander surreptitious usage of hair gel (to have aforementioned straight, black hair).

10) When they say they want to go to Disneyland, they're referring to the one in Tokyo.

They say you can never go home again. What do you think?

Ten Sure Signs You Are An Expat Dad Living in Singapore

Expat Dad Michele with Alexander and Eliot

1) Your children's international school fees leave you fairly disconcerted...($30,000 for 3rd grade? What are they learning? Rocket Science?)

2) Your kids boast about staying in 5 star resorts. Your childhood holidays often involved a tent.

3) You welcome 11 pm conference calls with California...not really.

4) Business trips are fine...unless they include a Sunday or a night flight from mainland China.

5) Your wife keeps very close track of your frequent flier miles.

6) You accept that a bottle of wine costs as much as a mini-vacation.

7) Business trip to Bangalore. Yoga retreat in India. Not the same thing.

8) You know which Asian airport has the best lounge, best sushi, longest taxi line.

9) You could be playing golf or relaxing by the pool, but you're not doing much of either.

10) Your wife no longer asks you which business destination has the best looking women. But she has noticed that Tokyo is the only city that makes you whistle while you pack.

(Published in Expat Living, April 2012)

Twelve Sure Signs You are An Expat Mom Living in Singapore

1) You decide that your morning walk to drop the kids off at school is close enough to taking an ashtanga yoga course.

2) If you hear the term: "trailing spouse" one more time...

3) You measure distance in taxi-minute terms.

4) You'd like your children to learn mandarin...you just don't want to be a part of it.

5) The only time you can wear your favorite jeans and sweater is at the movies (where it feels like winter in Alaska).

6) Your handbag includes mosquito repellent, sunscreen, umbrella, and your kid's bathing suit.

7) You miss your car, your best friend, your relatives. In that order.

8) You know the difference between a gekko and a lizard.

9) You become an expert at dealing with jetlag.

10) At $10 a box, you qualify cheerios as a luxury item.

11) You don't fight with your kids so much...but that could be because you can't hear them over the construction work.

12) You disregard the humidity index of 100% and think a picnic at the Botanical Gardens is a good idea.

Ten Sure Signs You Are An Expat Kid Living in Singapore

1) Your parents don't ground you. They threaten to turn off the air-conditioning.

2) When you meet a friend for the first time you ask them: "So how big is your pool?"

3) You complain that there is something about the kindergarten class you don't like but can't quite put your finger on. (It's the Mandarin.)

4) Anything below a ten hour flight on a plane leaves you disappointed. "That's all?"

5) Roti prata and seasoned seaweed are your favorite snacks.

6) You think the corner on the sidewalk outside your condo is for hailing taxis.

7) You dream about wearing gloves and sweaters or even a long sleeved shirt.

8) When they find a cobra at school, you reassure your mother: "It was just a little one."

9) When you don't see your Dad at home you wonder if he's in China or Japan?

10) You've probably travelled business class at least once. Your parents realize this was a huge mistake. You unfailingly ask them before any trip from this moment on: "Are we travelling business class?"

(Featured in Expat Living magazine, October 2010)